In today’s society, romance is very prevalent. We celebrate Valentine’s Day on February 14. It is a day to celebrate friendship, love, and happiness. 

Can love really be true? In modern society, love is the ultimate belief of both men and women. However, love with wings always fades as quickly as infatuated love stirred by the thunder of the sky. Many of us are obsessed with love, but we don’t really understand what it means. We often think we are good to others, but in reality, this is a false mixture of selfish motives.

Love is illusory, unreliable, and short-lived. Love is full of vicissitudes-gathering and parting-and ordinary people may not comprehend these realities, but if we want to remain together for good, we must first be realistic.

There is a story written by the great writer Leo Tolstoy that describes a man falling into a well, a tiger was on top and a poisonous snake was on bottom, and the man pulled a piece of grass while a mouse was biting at the root of the grass. This is the story of love. We have witnessed instances in which young men and women committed suicide or destroyed each other to end their karmic relationship. Their actions leave their loved ones sighing in frustration.

The reality is that many people suffer for love in real life. People who are distressed by love often ask me about Buddhism’s perspective on love and seek guidance from Buddhist teachings. According to my understanding, Buddhism places a high value on love as it seeks to ease the suffering of sentient beings. As a consequence of love itself, separation may occur, and this can be one of the most painful events in our lives. In this world, it is difficult to let go of love between a woman and a man or the desire to be loved by someone else.

Love is a central part of everyone’s emotional lives, yet we are often addicted to it without understanding what it really means. While Buddhism does not oppose love, it emphasizes the importance of learning how to truly love. True love does not involve selfishness, narrowmindedness, or folly. The essence of true love is devotion, tolerance, warmth, and wisdom. It is through true love that marriages can be happy, families can be harmonious, and life can be rich and fulfilling. It is my belief that if everyone understood the true meaning of love, open their hearts, and release the energy of love, then every day would be Valentine’s Day, 365 days a year.

What we can do to ease the pain of love? To end the pain of love, we must first understand where it comes from. Love often involves painful entanglement, and it is difficult to let go. Why loves cause pain? A person’s love is illusory and upside down due to three factors: the object they love, their hearts, and their joy of being in love. In this way, love causes pain. Is there a reason for this?

As we fall in love, we are inclined to believe our beloved is the most perfect person, which is a false and upside-down perception. The body we love results from the combination of five aggregates, and both the body and the mind are products of ignorance.

We love an object that is not only imperfect in appearance but also imperfect in mind. There is a great deal of passion in his mind, greed, anger, and anger. The bad habits you do not want to see are those you have planted from the beginning of time, and they are difficult to change. When one is in love, no matter how happy one feels, someone will eventually expose all your bad habits. As well, we are the same in each other’s eyes. At some point, each side will notice their flaws: smoking, drinking, cranky, lazy, losers, etc., and they will not be able to stand each other at that point, at which point two words may enter your mind: “breakup”.

In reality, the perfect object of our affection is nothing more than a false appearance. Once we fall in love, we become more selfish. Ignorance, selfishness, and greed are the reasons we fall in love. We are incapable of seeing the truth about the other person because of our ignorance. We are attracted to one another because of the powerful drive of desire.

Often, we believe we are kind to others, when in fact there are several false and selfish aspects to it. Our love is unconditional as long as the other person is able to fulfill our own desires. If we experience even the slightest dissatisfaction, we become frustrated and even regretful: “Why did I choose him?” As we strive to fulfill our desire to be fulfilled, we search for a new love in order to satisfy this desire. The desire for human fulfillment is, however, limitless. A desire will trigger another, and satiating one will never be enough.

A strong sense of love in the world often results in a greater anger. Our anger increases when someone we love separates from us. Since love is such a deep feeling, experiencing anger as a result of love is especially painful. When we see ordinary men and women getting along, we do not feel bad. Even if it is a normal conversation, we feel mad when someone of the opposite gender is talking to our favorite woman or man. Once our love grows, we will desire to monopolize our beloved so that they cannot encounter the opposite sex in the future. There are many cases in which lovers never leave each other once they have fallen in love. When a relationship fails, each partner becomes the other’s enemy.

The pleasure we experience in love is not real, but rather the essence of pain. Often, people associate love with pleasure, but the Blessed One explained that “all happiness is suffering”, meaning that such happiness is not true and eternal, and the more we pursue it, the greater the suffering it causes.

Does love play a role in marriage? The act of marriage was not performed in ancient times out of love, but rather under the influence of one’s parents or a matchmaker. There is no love between him and her, as they have never met. Why do people get married? Their marriage was intended to achieve the ideal of living together, and love was merely a secondary consideration in order to accomplish that ideal. You must have a very happy and beautiful family if you are able to maintain the philosophy of the ancient sages.

Men and women viewed marriage very differently in ancient times. Why did people get married in ancient times? We do not find any references to divorce in ancient literature. The goal of a couple in life is to help and support each other in order to achieve their ideal goal. In truth, the goal was not love. There are many complexities involved in marriage today, since people marry for love, and feelings of love can change over time. People traditionally married for moral reasons; they knew what to do. Nowadays, marriage getting lost in your emotions.

Love, although characterized by suffering, constitutes a form of warmth in life when we are able to remain together long after marriage until death. What can we do to maintain a happy and stable marriage?

Take this objective into consideration and avoid getting lost in your emotions; getting lost in your emotions is definitely painful. As emotions and feelings change so frequently, a person’s mood can change from morning to night, making it impossible to predict what type of mentality they will exhibit tomorrow. Because of this, it cannot be relied upon.

A young person should carefully choose his or her partner, make sure they are compatible, and observe them for a few years before deciding whether to get married. Whether the two partners share similar interests and their level of understanding is an important factor to consider. Such thorough approaches will increase the chances of the marriage being stable in the future.

The most important aspect of finding a partner is to find someone who sees and understands the same things as you, and who shares the same interests, the same goals, and makes the same efforts as you do in your life. Don’t indulge in false love, for today you love her, tomorrow he loves you, and a few months later problems arise and tragedy occurs. Clearly, this is a form of false love that cannot be relied upon. This is why families are formed based on harmony and respect, and only then is true happiness possible. It is impossible to achieve personal happiness and prosperity for your family if you do not understand this.

To maintain a happy marriage, both spouses must constantly improve their cultivation and possess the wisdom of life. In order to develop a relationship of mutual trust, tolerance, and care, both partners should have self-awareness, be able to understand and stand in the other’s perspective.

We often compare those we love to traveling companions on a journey, and although we travel all the way, we are unable to predict when they will arrive at the station or depart. During the brief and uncertain time we have together, we should cherish and get along well with each other, and avoid conflict or disagreement over small matters. Loving each other requires a commitment to cherishing each other and not becoming greedy.

If you are in a very unhappy marriage, you may wish to spend some time alone, thinking calmly about who is right and who is wrong, who loves and who does not love. It is not advisable to live worse than death and remain married, as this will lead to many problems in the future. We should only consider divorce where the situation cannot be repaired. If you wish to maintain the relationship, you must make your decision with a clear conscience, knowing that you are doing everything in your power to maintain the relationship.

The pursuit of love in the world is like pursuing the rainbow in the sky as a goal, but no matter how hard we try, we cannot do so. Among the many kinds of love, there is one that reaches the pinnacle of true love, a love that is selfless, wise, pure and complete. This is the love of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas for all sentient beings.

The journey of love is a lifelong learning experience. The greatest happiness in life comes from loving and being loved. Only a mature individual is capable of meeting the right person at the right time and forming a lasting relationship. Consider the following on this Valentine’s Day: What you catch may not necessarily be yours, and what you lose may not necessarily be yours. The proper way to deal with the past is to learn to forget, to endure regret, and to face it without resentment or regret. 

The key to living in the present moment is grabbing the treasure, loving an imperfect person perfectly, knowing each other, making promises to one another, trusting one another, loving one another, and forgiving one another, treating one another sincerely with love and affection, so that the promise will not become a myth or phantom dream until the end of time.

Valentine’s Day is much more than flowers and chocolates. This is a time to cherish one another and be able to freely express yourself. We can celebrate Valentine’s Day every day as long as you cherish the moment. 

Wishing you a happy and fulfilling life for the rest of your life.

I am Ashin Sumanacara , a writer, spiritual counselor, and mindfulness coach. Hope you find my thoughts and ideas helpful. Let me know if you would like me to write about a specific topic. It would be great to hear from you via private message or comment.